“Sorry I’m late” says selfish twat

Late

A man has apologised to his friends for being late, for the third time in as many days.

Matt Clark, Birmingham, regularly turns up late to the annoyance of his friends.

“The truth is, I always apologise but I really couldn’t give a shit” he says. “My time is extremely valuable and and I’d rather finish watching the end of Jeremy Kyle time than joining my friends on time. It was a great episode actually, I’m glad I did. It makes me feel better about my life. Although I still think Jeremy Kyle is a knob.”

“So what if they are waiting for me for half an hour? It’s not as if they have anything else to do.”

It is claimed that Matt Clark is not only late for gatherings with his friends. According to colleagues, he regularly turns up late to work in the mornings, and keeps everyone waiting to start a meeting.

“I knew I had a meeting, but I had to check my Facebook and make a cup of tea. Then I had quick 5 minute phone call with my partner and went for a poo.”

“I apologised though, so it’s fine.”