The England Football Team is determined to repeat mistakes of previous tournaments in the next World Cup.
Despite the embarrassing display of England’s under-performing football team and lack of any tactical decisions during this year’s European Championship, the FA is reportedly set to make Sam Allardyce manager.
“I think the proposed appointment of Sam Allardyce speaks for itself”, said a spokesman.
“He’s swapped clubs more times than a golfer, and has done an average job at them all. Last season, he went to Sunderland and helped them remain in the Premier League. The year before, he helped West Ham to a mid-table finish.”
“That is exactly the type of mediocrity that we’re looking for from our next manager. We don’t need a talented one, but just one who’s willing to take the bloody job. We’re well aware that it’ll just be boring, long ball football. But let’s be clear, we barely escaped the group stages in the Euros so how much worse than Roy can he do?”
Asked for his comments, Big Sam had the following to say:
“I’m flattered to be involved in England talks. I’ve already spoken at length with the FA about my plans to reintroduce Andy Carroll, Peter Crouch and Emile Heskey to the international fold. What we need is experience and someone to hold up the ball.”
“Hopefully we’ll qualify for the World Cup. I’m planning to introduce new training methods – I won’t give too much away, but in short, the players will need to download Pokemon Go. At least that way, when we fail again, they’ll have won something.”